The danger of reading Chick-lit and Romance novels - Ladies, beware!
Hi y'all!
I've been thinking about what qualifies as a true-hearted Romance/Chick-lit story, for weeks now. It has been a struggle of mine to write a true and significant love scene, and everything related to what could pass by a real life relationship. I'm pretty sure this is becoming more of a problem, not just for me as an amateur writer, but for many other amateurs and professional writers.
Consider this, a lot more of sexual and BDSM books have been written and bought by readers, and something I've heard from some fans of the gender is that, BDSM, rough sex, etc., stories have more realistic elements than Harlequin novels and other contemporary love stories.
I have to say, having read the all-time favourite BDSM book myself - because, c'mon, morbid curiosity, or whatever you'd like to call it, demand it so -, I have to tell you, there's, really NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER!!!!!
NOT ONE SINGLE DIFFERENCE!
NOT ONE!
N
O
T
O
N
E!!!!!!!!!
Of course, this is my own humble opinion and it's worth as much as anyone else's. But really, how's it any different a love with sexual toys, with a pure fantasized millionaire and a boring Mary Sue, with all the old historic novels we've all read at some point of our lives? What's the difference between the Fabio love books to today's modern take on love?
Image credit: Barnes & Noble
You can easily spot a romance novel, whether you're reading an historical romance or a contemporary version of the writen love story:
Clue A - Eye Colour
Always green, grey, or some undetermined gorgeous colour no one has ever even heard of, or seen. People, real life people, that is, have basic brown, blue, green coloured eyes. Of course, there are people with gorgeous honey eyes, black, blue/grey, etc. And then, there was Elizabeth Taylor... whom we hated for her gorgeous eyes, of course.
Clue B - The Male Anatomy
When I say "anatomy", I'm really, in all honesty, talking about the body - not... you know, the member, you perverts!
Rippled muscles, tanned skins, straight noses, round
backsides and strong legs.
(Personal note: as much as I love my boyfriend, he
can't, for the life of him, hold me in his arms, because I'm on the chubby/sexy
side)
Now, don't get me wrong, if any writer would tell
his/her story as such:
Jerry's sensual beer belly rubbed against her thighs;
her cellulite jiggled like jell-o. Jerry's heavy breathing hitched her pointy
ears with the words 'Baby... did you fart? 'Cause, for realz, you blow me
away!'
I actually gagged just imagining this scene. But, yep,
real life romance can be gross sometimes - especially with Jerry; get away from
Jerry, ladies.
Clue C - Over-romanticized dating, aka 'We're flying to New York for a romantic dinner?! Oh, Jerry, you're the best husband in the world!"
Hey, now, don't get me wrong, romance is alive and well! My own boyfriend once surprised me by sending me flowers to work, and I was as happy as a Labrador puppy.
Now, real life romance doesn't come with fancy dinners every night - only if you're a Kardashian - surprise gifts in the form of the latest gadgets, or the best sex of your life.
Your first time with your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend won't be the best night of your life, and not certainly the best of your relationship. Good love & sex comes with learning each other's ways and tastes - if Jerry is your taste, by all means, rub that belly just fine!
Clue D - The Female Orgasm
...
I don't even know where to start with this one, it's
one of my personal favourites. I have to confess I've probably written the
words "Her/his orgasm shattered her/him into a million pieces", or
some other fancy variation. We can't help it, it just makes sense to complete
the best sex of your character's life with the best orgasm he/she had ever had.
Now, the reality of the thing is a lot more complex.
Buy a book about the female anatomy and get cracking, because I'm not getting
into any details about this particular area. Let's just all nod when I say -
it's a lot more complicated to have an orgasm than books & movies tell us.
Clue E - Perfect Couples
As there are no perfect people, they also say two wrongs don't make a right. That being the case, no couple has it all, is perfect or has a wonderful organized romantic life, and a spicy time in the bedroom. When a couple works, has children, and/or pets - let's call it a life, shall we? -, they're bound to fight, to go through sex droughts, and to start getting fed up with each other.
Now, this isn't so bad as some novels might like to tell/show you. Getting used to each other's presence, fight, and many others, are completely normal in HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. People fight, people make up, people hurt each other and no, it's not a sign of him/her being a prick/bitch if someday they yell at you. It's just the normal human way, we tend to try to push away the people we love the most - yep, humans are freaks.
All I'm trying to say is, don't take relationship advice from Jessica, the main character's BFF, twenty-something single party girl. Take advice from the boring thirty something friend with a career and a healthy dose of fun in her life.
Your perfect guy/girl isn't the best looking person in the world, not the smartest, the most accomplished and rich. But, I guarantee you, he/she will be the one person to go through Hell on Earth for you, even if they have a crooked tooth and a club foot, or really bad Acne.
Finally, remember the wise words of Prabal Gurung:
Happy Readings,
Sophie
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